Dating app tips for finding a relationship, according to experts

Dating apps have become a standard way to meet someone when you’re single, so if you’re currently sweeping or have been in the past, welcome to the club. A 2019 survey by Pew Research found that 48% of American adults aged 18-29 have used a dating app or site – meaning almost half have started browsing the dating pool at some point. And, if you want a serious partner rather than a connection or friends with an advantage situation, the way you use the applications – including the way you create your profile and the way you communicate in messages – makes all the difference.

The number one thing to remember when looking for a relationship in the digital world, according to a certified master relationship coach Friend Leadingham: Be patient. “Don’t expect to find your soul mate after swiping right a few times. Finding someone who shares your values ​​and is looking for the same thing as you takes time,” Leadingham told Bustle. patience is a virtue – and you can’t rush love.

Sifting through all the profiles on Hinge or Bumble can tire anyone, especially when you’re using an app to find a long-term partner. So if you’re looking for your forever farmer’s market date, you’re in luck: here, the experts reveal their top dating app tips for finding a relationship.

1. Be specific in what you are looking for

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The number of people you may have to sift through to find suitable matches can be overwhelming, so Leadingham recommends being specific first when creating your profile. “Be clear about your intentions from the start, and you’ll be more likely to find someone looking for the same thing,” Leadingham says. “If you want an LTR, don’t be afraid to be upfront on your dating profile. Being honest will help weed out people who aren’t on the same page and invite the most serious prospects into your mailbox. “

2. Be picky with the dating app you use

The type of app you use can also have a noticeable effect on your success rate in finding quality matches, says Dr Tara Suwinyattichaipornprofessor of sexual communication at California State University Fullerton and host of the Love Bites by Dr. Tara podcast. “Choosing the right dating app can help weed out people who just want to hook up,” she says, noting that Tinder has a reputation for being a “dating app” (although that’s not the intent). of the founder). “Bumble, Hinge,, Zoosk and other paid apps are more appropriate because if you pay online, you’re probably serious enough to find a romantic partner,” says Suwinyattichaiporn.

3. Create a clear biography

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As the second thing someone sees when they come across your profile, writing a great dating app bio is essential, especially when looking for love.

Beyond using it as a chance to show off your personality or sense of humor, Suwinyattichaiporn says being clear with who you are really searching through your bio can help sort out profiles that aren’t right for you. “Yes, you’ll get fewer matches, but quality trumps quantity,” she says. Although it may seem rudimentary, defining exactly what you want from your matches can also be a good option. “You can say ‘Looking for long-term relationships’ or ‘Not in short-term or casual relationships.’ You can also be more clear about sexual expectations if that’s your intention, like, ‘I don’t date’ or ‘Emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy,’” Suwinyattichaiporn told Bustle.

4. Define what you are looking for in a partner

In addition to being clear that you’re looking for a relationship, Leadingham suggests adding some specific traits you’re looking for in a partner to your profile. “It’s important to include at least three values ​​if you’re looking for a serious relationship,” she says. “For some examples, you might say, ‘family values,’ ‘willingness to volunteer with me,’ and ‘passport full of stamps.'” She also notes that you should include the statement, “Looking only for an LTR.” in your profile. Narrowing your reach even further, rather than aiming for a wide net, is useful for attracting the type of people you want – and reduces the chances of matching with those you don’t.

Something to note: While outlining your non-negotiables in your bio is a good step to finding a relationship on a dating app, Leadingham cautions against coming across as too jaded or demanding when creating your own. “What you shouldn’t include in your profile is any negativity. Too many singles make the mistake of saying ‘no drama’ on their profile, which is very bittersweet and can show they’re attracting a lot of dramas. Focus on positive statements, because like attracts,” she says.

5. Send the right opening line

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Once your profile starts attracting potential suitors, it’s time to chat. If you’re looking for a partner, Leadingham advises trying to connect over things you might have in common. “One of the best ways to start a conversation is to find common ground by focusing on something you connect with on their profile,” she says. “It could be a travel photo or something they’ve listed like ‘hanging out with my family’ as one of their interests, so why not ask how often they check in and what do they like to do? This can help you better understand their reasoning and give you something to say later.

As you craft the perfect opening line, Leadingham also reminds you to keep the conversation flowing by asking open-ended questions. “When you’re getting to know someone, it’s essential to ask questions that will elicit more than a yes or a no,” she says. “Instead of asking, ‘Do you like the outdoors?’ try asking, “What is your favorite outdoor activity?”

6. Be intentional in your posts

Suwinyattichaiporn also encourages you not to be shy about being candid in your posts – to save both you and your game time and energy. “Describe what you’re looking for by saying something like, ‘Hi! I’m happy with our game. TBH I am looking for someone who is a good match romantically, spiritually, sexually and financially, who has a similar lifestyle and shared values. Does this match you? ‘”

Either way, of course, do what works for you. Follow your intuition, stick to your standards, and remember that you are worthy of any kind of love you want.


Friend Leadinghamcertified relationship master coach

Dr Tara Suwinyattichaipornprofessor of sexual communication at California State University Fullerton and host of the Love Bites by Dr. Tara podcast

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